#49 - Pronounced Concerns

Pronounced Concerns

12/19/04 (#49)

I have a Maine accent. Barely detectable, I insist, though my wife adds, "yeah, it's only when you talk that it's noticeable." When I first moved west, my accent was endless fun for my new West Coast and Midwest friends---I used a word that sounded like "draw" to describe that slide-out compartment in a desk---the drawer---which I later learned rhymes with "roar", not "awe." I would frequently hear the vastly-over-rated "Bahstin" jokes---"pahk the cah at Hahvid Yahd"---but rarely saw the the humor because "the joke" featured perfect pronunciation. Besides, Havhid yahd is always too packed for pahking.

I love the idea that regions develop their own phonics: the relaxed gait of Louisiana speech, the subtle drawl of North Carolina voices, the sound of Southern California that I had never noticed until Mike from Science of Yabra did a demonstration for me and it excited me far beyond what he could have expected. If language was a room, dialects are the particular decor; accents are the mood lighting.

But accents and dialects are no excuse for flagrant mispronunciations, and someone needs to take a stand on this issue. Our language is constantly under attack from that dreaded monster known as "common usage"---if enough people mispronounce a word, the word's pronunciation gets updated to make these people correct. Look at the word "forte", as in, "Whining about meaningless things has become Bill's forte." The word forte was taken from the French, and with no accent on the e, it is pronounced "fort", or even more accurate to its French origins, "for". But enough people said "fort-ay" (it sounds more French, after all) that even dictionaries have come to accept both pronunciations. I have no intention of being as weak-willed at Noah Webster, so let's get started on the problems:

Coupon
How can this word be pronounced "Kyou-pon"? The second and third letters are "ou", as in "toupee" (have you ever hear this pronounced "Tyou-pay"?), "Soup" ("Gladys, this is good Syoup"), "Tour", "Four", "Group"---there is no "you" in any of those words. ("The tyour guide remarked that the fyour of us were a large gryoup considering the pyouring rain.") "But", you protest weakly, "our family has always called them 'kyou-pons'?" Well, then you're family has always been wrong.

February
Fixating on the same vowel sound, there is no "you" in February, either. It is not "Feb-you-ary", as a careful examination of the spelling will reveal---it's "Feb-roo-ary". If you pronounce it correctly, you will likely be in the minority, but you'd have the warm glow of correctness about you. Maybe even smugness. Maybe so much so that might write a column bragging that you know how to pronounce it. (No, that would be going too far.)

Aunt
In Maine, we pronounced this "ahnt", the word as much an innocent victim of the Maine drawl as every other word in our language. Aunt as in Daunting, Taunt, Flaunt, Saunter, and Haunted. The same vowel coupling featured in Saute, Taut, Taught, and Naught. So how did this word become a homonym for the insect "Ant"? At Halloween, did you visit the "Hanted House"? After your diet, did you "Flant" your slimmed figure? Did you "Tant" the neighbor's dog until he bit you? None of the above. So why is it only your aunt who fails to warrant correct pronunciation?

Irregardless
This word is regularly mispronounced for one simple reason---IT'S NOT A WORD!* This is perhaps the most commonly used non-word that isn't in our language, and ironically, means the exact opposite of what it was never meant to mean. "Regardless" means "without regard"---"I am going to kiss my boss under the mistletoe, regardless of the problems it will cause." The prefix "ir-" is a negation (think "relevant" versus "irrelevant"), so "irregardless" would actually mean "with regard". This word is so improper that the only way to look more foolish is to pronounce it, "Ir-you-gardless".

Adverse / averse
Adverse means "unfavorable", as in, "This car wasn't designed for such adverse winter conditions"; Averse means "unwilling", as in, "I'm not averse to trading it in for a better snow car." Please stop being averse to the idea of using these words correctly: they are distinctly different words, and despite similar spellings, they are not interchangeable. (Any more than The Critic and The Cryptic are interchangeable as the title of a failed animated John Lovitz show.)

And finally,
Reagan
I will answer to both, since the President brainwashed a lot of people into thinking it was "Ray-gun", simply by virtue of his mispronunciation. In fact, it is pronounced Ree-gun, as is easily demonstrated:

You eat a meal, you don't eat a mail
You walk the beagle, not the bagel
Those pants have a rip in the seam, not the same
Ice cream is a treat, not a trait
Cold people need heat, not hate

(Let's end the list there, before we get to wear and tear.)

©2004 wpreagan

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* In fact, it IS a word, and here's what the folks at Merriam-Webster have to say:
"Irregardless originated in dialectal American speech in the early 20th century. Its fairly widespread use in speech called it to the attention of usage commentators as early as 1927. The most frequently repeated remark about it is that "there is no such word." There is such a word, however. It is still used primarily in speech, although it can be found from time to time in edited prose. Its reputation has not risen over the years, and it is still a long way from general acceptance. Use regardless instead."