#37 - A Different Kind of Televangelist

A Different Kind of Televangelist

8/4/04 (#37)

JULES: I think her biggest deal was she starred in a pilot.
VINCENT: What's a pilot?
JULES: Well, you know the shows on TV?
VINCENT: I don't watch TV.
JULES: Yes, but you're aware that there's an invention called television, and on that invention they show shows?
-Quentin Tarrantino, Pulp Fiction

Forget the religious fanatics who assure you of your inevitable trip to the lake of fire, and forget the amateur political commentators telling you how foolish you are for taking this or that side's bait: When it comes to self-righteousness, there are few who can rival the television elitists. Self-appointed culture police, these people have, by mere choice of living room furniture, elevated themselves to intellectual superiority over the mindless sheep who relax for even a few minutes in front of a rerun of Who Wants to be a Millionaire.

I'm not talking about the folks who are frustrated that T.V. is taking up too much of their time and they are trying to watch as little as possible, like a person who recognizes a certain increased tension in their waistband and has opted to forego the daily donut regimen. No, I'm talking about self-satisfied asses who haughtily state, "I don't watch T.V." with a tone that leaves "because I am far too intellectual to fall victim to television's vacuous charms" ringing in the silence after the phrase.

"But television has its merits", you might expect me to plead. In the court of public opinion, television's defense team routinely calls upon its trusted set of witnesses: The Discovery Network, The History Channel, and Public Television to name a few. These stations and their ilk feature a bevy of brain-stimulating programming, including several shows I saw just last week:

1. Hammerhead Sharks---amazing to see, and watching them swim is something that only the television medium can supply. (I certainly have no plans to get that close myself.)
2. The Fairmount Banff Springs---the grandeur and history of this Alberta, Canada hotel is nothing short of amazing. Over 100 years old, this castle built in the middle of Rockies might be the most beautiful hotel on earth.
3. French Toast---sure, I knew how to make it the simple way, but breaded and crunchy with a hint of vanilla is far superior. (My daughter seemed especially glad that I had watched that show.)

But I am not coming to the defense of television. When an appliance earns monikers like "the boob tube" and "the idiot box" (and those tags are regularly reaffirmed), it's best to let it fight its own battles. As long as programmers continue to make money on prattle like Who want to marry my Dad? and The Ultimate Love Test, the medium is deservedly suspect. However, it is the most powerful pop-art vehicle of our generation, and though we might not care for much of its content, a wholesale dismissal of the industry is akin to damning literature because of the existence of Romance Novels.

Television elitists insist that the television is a brain-sucking parasite that must be banished from the room or else it will hypnotically draw an entire family into a persistent vegetative state. It doesn't matter if you are watching a documentary on Winston Churchill or 30 minutes of The World's Craziest Police Chases, you are a minion to the glowing screen and there are no degrees of guilt. (I'll ignore for the sake of brevity the fact that most of these kill-your-television zealots do, in fact, have a sugary stash of video Twinkies hidden in their "I-eat-only-organic" cerebral kitchen.)

Fact is, television doesn't make you stupid, and reading doesn't necessarily make you smart. Some people can watch The X-Files and still manage to do New York Times crossword puzzles, while other people can read The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand and wonder why there wasn't more information about fountains. Smart people read comic books. Dumb people read Shakespeare. Dumb people read comic books. Smart People read Shakespeare. Judgmental pricks are the people who think they can glean an indisputable insight into a person based on a single leisure activity. Yes, reading is good for your brain, it stimulates imagination, it improves your vocabulary, it offers opinions you might not hear otherwise. But reading Cosmopolitan does all of these things, and that hardly makes one a well-read intellectual. In fact, in cockfight between glossy magazines and reality TV, the only winners are the folks selling advertising.

The bottom line for me is that television is a massive pop-culture vehicle. It's certainly not the most productive way to spend one's time, but it is part of the fabric of our society. You can observe it without championing it or dismiss it without decrying it, but isn't part of being a community being willing to participate in the activities of the community? After all, I find politics to be a loathsome industry, but I still pay attention to what is being said, and I most certainly make it a point to vote. While I try to keep my T.V. viewing time limited, I am glad to have certain phrases in my vocabulary so that I know if my co-worker says, "that woman is my personal Amorosa", I understand that friction is inevitable between the two of them, or that if someone says, "He was going Simon Cowell on your last cd", I can bet the review included several scathing one-liners.

Television is a benign medium, and we can take from it what we want. Ani Difranco wrote, "Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right." Absolutely true---but if it was designed to be a tool, you will get the best results using it that way.

And to the braggarts who claim the high ground on the basis of being T.V.-free, I have one last thing to say: What a shame. If you planted an antenna on the high ground, the reception would be marvelous.

©2004 wpreagan